Become who you are (Nietzsche)
I grew up in an environment where there was little room for being yourself and personal experience. Difficult questions were knocked flat with a big book full of explanations, the Heidelberg Catechism. I studied Dutch and philosophy, hoping to defeat the vicars with their own weapons – rational arguments.

I discovered the books of Friedrich Nietzsche, who soon became my ally. Free from what? asks Nietzsche. What’s interesting about that? Free to do what? He had a point. In my effort to liberate myself from the old dogmas using arguments, I was simply getting stuck deeper in their way of thinking: the notion that you have to justify yourself rationally. That it’s arguments that matter. Supposing that’s not necessary any more, what did I really want for myself? What would happen if I stopped conforming and refused to join in the fight? Would philosophy still be my ’thing’?

Without music life would be a mistake (Nietzsche)
Gradually I had become someone who was living in her head, divorced from her body. While writing my thesis on Nietzsche’s appreciation of the physical and the unconscious, I continued thinking constantly. I noticed this wasn’t doing me any good especially when I was singing, which for years I was fanatical about. As a child I had not only been fed Christian dogmas, but had also been given a great love of music. I decided to follow my passion for singing and take a professional singing course. With this ambition I applied to a singing teacher who followed the Alexander method. It was a fantastic combination. I soon realized that physical awareness and relaxation could bring me more than striving for perfect technical control. One day, however, my teacher told me something depressing: he couldn’t go on teaching me. My singing had reached a dead end because there was too much tension in my body, caused by unresolved emotions. I would seriously have to deal with this if I wanted to make progress. It completely threw me when he told me this. After all, I had been in therapy, I had done all that. I just wept during the rest of the lesson. Little did I know the best was yet to be.

There is more wisdom in your body than in your best thoughts (Nietzsche)
I went to see a Rebalancer. More happened in three sessions than in eighteen months of ’talking therapy’. The direct and loving approach using touch enabled me to really resolve some old issues. It was no longer possible to escape into analyzing or rationalization. I was in good hands and I knew it, and this gave me the courage to work through emotions such as pain and sorrow. I learnt that I didn’t have to avoid them, but could cope with them as long as I matched my breathing to them. Slowly a huge transformation took place, which went quicker and deeper when I started training to be a Rebalancer myself. I entered more and more into my body. I learnt to respect and listen to my feelings as a source of information and wisdom. Instead of the well-worn paths of thought came creativity and a fresh contact with myself and life.

All this led me to sing in a different way. More easily, fuller. My view of singing changed radically: instead of striving for technical control it became more and more a question of letting go. I discovered how singing can touch areas of tension and trauma at a deep level, and free you from them. In this way singing became for me a form of body work, as well as a delightful way of musical expression.

I’m so glad I can pass on to others what I myself found during my search. It’s a privilege to be able to witness the changes that take place in people who open themselves up to the profound wisdom of the body. To me as a philosophy student Nietzsche was interesting, but what I do now – putting Nietzsche into practice – is far more satisfying.